Have You Ever...


Have you ever been in a relationship, of any kind, where you care more than the other? When sitting with them and you have a million things going thru your mind and you ask what they are thinking and they say "nothing", and they truly mean it... When you just hope that they may say the one thing you long to hear, that they are thinking about you. I mean, I guess not all people think about the person they are with when they are with them, but I do. I think of the good times we have had, I think of the things the future holds, I think where will we be in 10 years and will we still be friends, or will we still be here period...
I believe there are people out there that want me to say that I am sorry that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I WILL NOT! I do leave myself wide open for hurt by the people that I allow to be close to me, for better or worse, that is exactly how God has made me. I am a fun loving, deeply passionate, honest, outgoing and a beautiful women of God! I have a hurt heart, the one I love has not loved me back & has hurt me, but that is because I lost sight of The One who truly loves me... The One who tells me daily with a gorgeous sunrise, how beautiful I am, The One who, with the fluffy cloud paintings, I am His and His alone, The One who painted the grass green, and the sky blue and the tigers orange and love pink.
That One is Jesus Christ, and I lost sight of just how much He loves me because I had someone else telling me that, and I had someone else telling me he would be where I was, and that I had the most beautiful eyes, and a smile that could light the darkest places... and so, longing for THAT one, I left The One, for however brief a moment, I left... Now like others who have lost sight, I had also temporarily lost sight, distracted by fleeting happiness, missing true Joy.
I was created to write, to photograph and to love, this I now know... I am a lover, I love whole hearted, and I now will attempt to always love God FIRST, with all that I am, all that he created me to be, and NEVER loose sight of that again... I will not be distracted from the place I need to be, that which pulls me this way or that, the place where I do things that make God sad... I can't and won't. There is a place we all have to get to in life where we will no longer compromise, NO MATTER WHAT! I thought that I was there, then I had a bomb dropped on me and I was thrown ever so violently, off track. I am finding my way back, I am being blessed with new Godly friends, I have been blessed to find a church that is so amazing and filled with Love and I most importantly, finally understand that all I've got to do is ask... I am forgiven, period...
I no longer want to be just a "good person", which is what I always wanted to be. I even wanted it to be the caption on my headstone when I died... No longer! I want to be a "Lover of Christ, A follower of God, A Chosen One". One who does not allow compromise to rule, one who is on the right side of the fence, not catching the inner thigh of my pants, jumping over it when it is convenient for me. I am not perfect, never plan to be, I just want to be a positive example of Christ!
There has got to be more out there in this world & I want more... A famous quarterback once said that and the world freaked! I do, I want ALL God has for me, not just a bit. I want to live to fulfill His word in my life and the lives of others! I want to be that beacon I know He sent me here to be, but I can't allow doing the right thing (no matter who it makes mad) to dim my light, because there are always going to be others who need that light to navigate thru their storms, so I've got to shine!
Thank God for sending people to me that can help me to recharge, so my light doesn't diminish with the storms that are around me everyday! I know the path for my life, I know what God has promised me, and I now know that when God gives us a promise, the enemy (like with Job) will gain permission to test us to see if we will fall like a house of cards or if we will continue to live our lives with faith and stay the course. I see where I failed, and I am, with God, correcting the error and heading in the right direction once again.
I am back, I am going to continue to write, read if you like, and if not, then don't... Either way I am not going to allow others to snuff out what God tells me, I do hear His voice, although some may not like what He is saying to me, maybe that is why He is saying it to me! I am not trying to come off as arrogant but for way too long now I have not written because of fear, and I HATE fear, so I will no longer cower to it! I will stand and be the voice God has made me to be!
Thank you to all who enjoy my writing and to all who don't, may God still bless you because we are all going to be in heaven together(all believers that is) So be blessed and don't read into what s not here, just what is...



(Now to some who may read this, don't freak out, I am good, just been pondering what a wise women has been saying about finding good Christian friends, and surprise, as usual she is right... Love you Mom. No I have not done anything crazy, I just hunted down some pics of the lost one, and it is all still there like I meet the person yesterday, that knot instantly grew in my chest, tears welled up but I knew, God is still good...and His timing is PERFECT!!!)